Long and spontaneous post ahead. ♥
I really wanna say moms should travel solo instead of can, but I realized we all have different circumstances in life, and I can’t just enforce traveling to anyone or any mom if that’s not her kind of thing. So what brings me to this travel talk? Well, because I’ve been so drawn to the idea of solo travel.
I don’t think I personally know of any mom who regularly travels solo for leisure or just because she wants to be sane. And that’s because it’s hard to be away from home. Most moms I know are traveling for a short time, or are traveling for business. I’m not sure if there’s a kind-of judgment we receive because we want to travel solo.
Is there judgment that just because you’re a mom, you’re not supposed to leave home anymore? Or you’re not supposed to leave your kid/s at home while you’re out exploring the world? I really hope there’s none, but if there is, I really hope each mom who wants to travel and just wants to be out for some time won’t be bombarded with feelings of mom guilt and instead feel that she’s just doing it for herself so she can regroup, reflect, and be better able to take care of her family. And that it’s okay.
Before marriage and a kid, I was already the adventurous one. I would jump at the idea of travel and adventures. When I was 16, I studied college in a city three hours away from home. It was a fun and crazy time with friends until I graduated from college. I think college was one of the best seasons of my life.
When I moved to a faraway city to work, I was still always up for adventures to the point that my workmates would just text or call me that they were already on their way to my boarding house to pick me up. Then I’d be ready to go in 15 minutes without any idea where we’re going. Insane.
Things have changed. I now have my own family. And while I still have the freedom to go out on my own, I just can’t leave home right away at a few hours notice unless it’s really, really important or urgent. I always have to think about my son. He’s now eight years old, and thankfully, he already has a better understanding of why the mom needs to go somewhere.
My first out-of-town travel after giving birth was with my friends from work (back when I was still working in an office). Reiko was I think three years old back then. My friends invited me to join a one-week trip. We went to Dumaguete, Dipolog, Dapitan (and Dakak). I could remember I was too anxious because I didn’t want to leave Reiko for a long time. But my husband insisted that I go.
If there’s one thing that my husband and I agree on, it’s that I need to be where I need or want to be. He has always been supportive of my travels and I’d always hear him say that “he knows I’m really that kind of person who wants to travel from time to time and that he doesn’t want to stop me from doing what makes me happy.”
I’ve never once heard him complain about my wanderlust – even when I just want to go out of the house alone or with friends. I’ve heard some stories about wives not being allowed by husbands to go out alone, or what more – to travel.
There were also times when some people I know asked me why my husband would just allow me to go out with friends at night or to travel without him. Sorry, but I was like.. didn’t our ancestors fight so hard for our freedom? So why would my husband box me at home when we both know I’m not doing anything wrong?
Of course, there are limits to whatever I do. I don’t just go around traveling or spending the day or night out with friends without making sure everything’s all set and alright at home especially when it comes to Reiko. I’ve had several day trips and overnight trips with friends and all those were without my husband. I’d invite him all the time but he would refuse, saying that it was a time for me to bond with my friends.
Another thing is that my husband isn’t like me. He’s not fond of traveling. He doesn’t like long bus rides, airplanes, or mountain hikes – in short, he just wants to be at home, here in Cebu, 99% of the time. It takes so much of me to try to convince him to travel. I mean he did ask once if I wanted to go to Boracay or what, and that yes we would, but that didn’t happen. Haha!
We’re also always together now that I work from home, so there’s just that need for me to breathe sometimes. I’m not saying I don’t want us to be together at home, but ya know what I mean. You just need space and a breather, and just be that adventurous girl that you are (or were) – I mean I am.
So it’s not just the singles that can travel solo, moms or even dads can too. Last 2016, I traveled with two of my friends for 10 days to Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand. Some friends were surprised that I’d travel without my husband.
And to be honest, I was surprised too why it’s surprising to them. I’m a grown-up independent woman and I can honestly take care of myself – and we should all know how to because truth be told, we’re not going to be around our loved ones all the time. 😉
Perhaps the only thing that tugs my heart whenever I travel for a long time is that I’d miss Reiko. I’d always miss him a lot. I also miss him even when he’s just in school and I’m home. But I taught myself to be tough (without being heartless). Kids need to be independent too and they need to be left in school when it’s time.
When I booked my trip to Singapore in 2017, I didn’t mind at all whether I’d go alone or not. I was alone for the most part and I was okay with it. I survived it! In fact, I always make it a point that I get to spend time alone now and then. My soul needs it.
I knew I could still do it even though I’d be in a foreign country. At home, we stuck a map of the Philippines and a map of Asia on our wall. And that’s how I told Reiko where I was going. I just showed him the map and how far we’d be geographically.
I’m a wife and a mom but I’m also my own person. And I don’t wanna lose my individuality just because I got married and had a kid. My husband understands that and we both reinforce the importance of engaging in our hobbies and interests. We are married, but we are still very different people. We are very opposite but we do our best to agree and respect each other’s wants.
I’m not concerned about whether people will raise eyebrows or not. 😉 I just want to get the message out there that once in a while, it’s okay to go out and travel even though you’re already a mom.
I get it that people ask: What, you’re traveling? Who’s going to take care of your kid? Isn’t your husband going to be with you? You’re leaving your kid for that long? Isn’t that going to cost you money? Instead of spending it on travel, why not put it in your son’s savings? Maybe it’s the initial reaction, but rest assured that most people mean well.
I hope that all moms don’t get stuck at home when they want to do something else outside and instead get the chance to travel alone or with friends and do what they want to do without feeling guilty so that they won’t lose themselves in the crazy world of motherhood and parenting. Cheers to all you mommas out there!
